The Smiling Predator: A Look at Grooming In Nigeria

While the term grooming is relatively new in the Nigerian space, the act is not. Almost everyone knows someone or has heard stories of someone that was groomed. Preying on the young and powerless is very active here. What, then, is grooming? First, I'll tell a story about a young boy at a church camp. 

14-year-old Y*was at church camp. He and his group had practised hard for their performance. So, of course, it was no surprise that on the day of the performance, his group was excellent. He was excited. People were cheering. He looked at the cheering audience and caught an eye that was fixated on him.

This person, this adult, was cheering louder than everyone else. As a child, T sought validation, like most young people. Compliments went straight to his head. Like every predator, the cheering man realised this and took advantage of it. He gave him attention and showered him with compliments. He got excited. This man then told T that he had a present for him. For the excellent performance, he said. He told him to come to his stay in the hostel when everyone was asleep. T went. There, the man and 2 of his partners raped him.

The Plague That is Grooming

The Victoria State Department of Education describes grooming as persons engaging in predatory conduct to prepare a child or a young person for sexual activity at a later time. The main goal of grooming is sexual exploitation. To achieve this, the groomer established themselves as trustworthy individual, slowly gaining the trust of the victim and, sometimes, their families and community. ‘Dem no dey write am for face’ is a phrase that comes to mind when discussing groomers. That friendly uncle that’s always buying sweets, the teacher who pays a little too much attention, that friend you just made on Twitter; any of these people could be groomers. We often hear grown men paying school fees and sending a girl to school to marry her when she's done. These stories remind me of poultry. The birds are fed, given drugs, and their pens cleaned. They are well taken care of, but it is not in the bird's interest. It is of the farmer who plans to slaughter them at the end. 

Groomers often try to isolate their victims to develop their relationships further. They might try to keep the child back after school with one excuse or another. As we've seen in T's story, they shower the victims with gifts and compliments. They make them feel special and give them a false sense of security. 

Another person I spoke to, N, told me about their experience—an adult, a teacher, taking advantage of the harmless crush of an 11-year-old. 

"He was teaching a secondary school besides my school. I saw him every day after school. I had the biggest crush on him. Then he noticed me one time because I was always blushing when I greeted him. One time, he called me and asked for my Facebook username and number. We would meet at night when my mother sent me on errands to have sex. I thought he really liked me, and I liked him too. I was 11."

Quite often, as in N's story, the young person involved doesn’t realise they’re being groomed and taken advantage of. They often perceive the relationship as loving or might feel in control of the situation. The false sense of control is also a tactic groomers use to dissipate any concerns the victim might show. At times, groomers might employ a different tactic, as seen in the story below. 

"I was 11. I didn't know his age, and I think he was in his late 20s. I was at my aunt's home for the holidays. He was her brother-in-law. He was in charge of the kids in the house. He made us fear him. But sometimes, he'd bring us into his room to play games on his phone. While everyone was preoccupied, he would put his hand or his feet in his shirt and start rubbing my breasts. Sometimes, he would draw me out to the backyard and grind himself on me. I was scared. He implied that if I told my aunt, I would not only destroy her marriage, but I would be blamed for being a slut."

Stories like these are unfortunately not uncommon. These groomers are everywhere, and they wear the best disguises. When I think of how much grooming has become the norm, I think of university. It is trendy to see guys in higher classes going after the freshers in school. The jambitos. The appeal? They're young, inexperienced—a blank slate. Dem never tear eye. It sickens me to think of how normalised the behaviour is. Yet it is, even at our highest levels of education. 

Groomed into Motherhood

According to a study by WARIF, 1 in 4 Nigerian women are sexually assaulted before the age of eighteen. Among these women, 70% reported more than one incidence of sexual violence. Only 5% sought any help, and only 3.5% received it. In 2020, the Minister of Women Affairs indicated that according to reports she had received, only 1 in 10 cases of rape were reported. More than anything, our culture of silence is brought to life in these numbers. I believe that the numbers are higher. While researching for this piece, I spoke to over 11 people. Only one of them ever reported their abuser. Many abusers are family members or respected and trusted adults such as teachers, pastors and neighbours. Our children are unsafe in the hands of the people we trust the most. 

Well, what does this have to do with single motherhood? Research done in 2020 revealed that single mothers make up 9.5% of Nigeria’s population. Another paper published this year tells us that over 200,000 unplanned births happen to girls between 15-19. Here are the numbers for a study conducted in the US: 

• Adult men were responsible for ¼ of the teenage births in the study.

• In 26.7% of births to young adolescents, the fathers were at least 8.8 years older than the mother. 

• Adult men fathered 24.3% of babies born to mothers aged 11/12. The mean age of the men was 22.7.

• Adult males were the fathers of 26.8% of babies born to mothers aged 13/14

A separate statistic put adult men aged 20-29.7 responsible for 39% of children born to teen moms age 15. I wonder what the number is in Nigeria. I also believe it is higher. While interviewing single mothers for a separate piece, I noticed similarities in their stories. One of those similarities is that among the ten women I interviewed, only one of them had her baby as an adult. The remaining women had been under 18, and the men responsible were significantly older. 

One of the women I interviewed said she was 16 when she got pregnant, and the person responsible was her boyfriend, who was at least ten years older. Another woman said she was 17, in uni. Her boyfriend, whose actual age she didn't find out until they were halfway into the relationship, got her pregnant. He was 27. 

"When I found out he was 27, I was shocked. He said he hid his real age because he was ashamed. It wasn't clear what of. I gave him money for his project. We used to spend Thursday evenings in his apartments. We would make out, and then later, he would guilt me. Saying I was tempting him. Then I got pregnant, and he fled."

Most of the other mothers I spoke to had stories along these lines—girls, young with plans and a future. They are groomed into Motherhood. Their youth and adolescence are gone. These girls, now women, have to deal with the stigma of Nigerian society—dishes out to single mothers. 

Bark, no Bite: Poor law implementation and How it enables Groomers and Abusers

What does the law say about this? Well, there's nothing quite as confusing as the Nigerian legal system. According to the penal code, the age of consent is 14. Section 282, subsection E, states that:

• Sex with a girl under 14 years of age or a girl of unsound mind is rape, whether or not there is consent.

That in itself is scary. A little better is the Child's Rights Act, which says:

• No person shall have sexual intercourse with a child. 

• A person who contravenes the provision of subsection (1) of this section commits an offence of rape and is liable on conviction to imprisonment for life.

• Where a person is charged with an offence under this section, it is immaterial that-

  • The offender believed the person to be of or above the age of eighteen years or

  • The sexual intercourse was with the consent of the child.

Essentially what the Child's Right Act is telling us is that you can be prosecuted for rape if you have sexual intercourse with anyone below the age of 18. 

These laws are significant in protecting our minors. However, a rule is only as good as its implementation. Between March 2019, to March 2020, Nigeria reported 3,491 cases of GBV. The number of convictions? 11. That's less than 1% of the reported cases. Another study in Anambra state revealed that out of 155 rape reports to the police, only 12 were investigated, and none led to a conviction. 

Why the poor implementation rate? Well, for one, pursuing justice in Nigeria is an expensive business. To get the police to do anything, you have to pay for it. You'll pay to file a report, pay to mobilise them to make an arrest, and even that doesn't guarantee anything. 

Countries like the US, and the UK, make prosecuting sexual assault cases a state business, especially as it concerns minors. There's also financial compensation available to victims and provisions for mental health treatment. This doesn't exist in Nigeria. If you don't have money to prosecute, pay for forensics and to make the police move, you're on your own. 

Overall, the Nigerian system, from the police to the judiciary, has made it frustrating to seek justice. It is common for the police to beg victims and their families to try and settle out of court. The rot is deep. 

The first step would be to ensure that these laws are implemented. No one should spend money to send a rapist or groomer to jail. The Nigerian Police are grossly incompetent, a scary fact, considering they're the first line in pursuing justice.

More importantly, Nigerian society needs to have a rethink. We must understand that protecting our children is more important than anything else. Our girls must be looked after, taught and helped instead of shamed. We need to raise better men. As a society, we need to make it uncomfortable for predators. What are we doing about that?